i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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