insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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