Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
