i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
