I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
