Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
