Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
