can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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