A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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