I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
