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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Do you need my fax number or something?

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.

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• (347): View more from New York

  Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.

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• 

  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (773): View more from Illinois

  I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.

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• (334): View more from Alabama

  OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies

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