I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
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I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
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The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.