So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Can I color on your dick again?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.