just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.