i jhust puked up my retainher.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies