dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
