He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
