some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
