When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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