i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
