We're facebook friends in real life
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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