Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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