I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
