If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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