If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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