All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
