I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
