the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
