I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
