I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
