are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
