I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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