it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
