Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
