My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
do herpes really smell.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Randomize
