i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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