We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
