There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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