Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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