So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
