i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
