I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
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Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
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She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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