i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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