Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
