chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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