I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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