i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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