So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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