it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
