Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You have to summon your inner elephant
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
