Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
