If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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