If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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