i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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