im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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