You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
