Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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