I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
