I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
