She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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