So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
