I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
