I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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