why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
