you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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