i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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