Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
