Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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