you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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