Me. At least after what I've been through.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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