Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
