So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Randomize
