If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
