And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
