i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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