let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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