Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
