oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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