from now on my penis is your penis
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
