I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
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My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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