eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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