I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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