Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We left the knife in your bed.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
